UNDERSTAND THE NEED FOR CHANGE AND WORK TOWARDS ACHIEVING IT

You have to be opened to Change and growth for it to actually happen. It is impossible for the floods of innovation and creativity to move into our very being if we are not ready for it by shutting off every exit point for change. if the seedbed for change is not present, change can not happen. In psychology, our life has to undergo different developmental stages to achieve full maturity. However, there are instances where a person may get hooked at a certain stage, unwilling to progress to the next stage. these disorders are called psychological fixations. It is surprising to see fully grown-up adults who are still so much comfortable at the oral stage of their life. There are mothers who find it difficult to let go of the image of their child as a kid and thus stunt the growth of their child being. There are also grown up adults who find it difficult to let go of their umbilical cord and still manifest strong dependency on their parents. Unless these individuals recognise their need for change and maturity, they will remain in that same stage and will never be able to move to the higher stages of life.
For positive change to take place, the first demand is to realize that there is a need for change. This realization may come to a person as a result of objective self-assessment or evaluation of the different areas of his/her own life. Also, sometimes this realization is as a result of good advice based on another person observation that there is a need for a change in a person’s life. We can also have this realization by allowing ourselves to make a paradigm shift. If we make effort to see things from a different viewpoint, we may be able to see the dark and grey areas of our life, and we may be enthused to change them. This realization will birth the beginning of our growth and advancement and without doubt the beginning of maturity and improvement.
There are many challenges we have to overcome to achieve a significant change in our life. First, there is the inertia—the force which drags us to stay in our existing situation and to avoid the prospect of change. This force is powerful and it is akin to the force of gravity. To get out of this inertia we need another sizeable amount of force. Second, there is the inner struggle such as lack of self-confidence, emotional baggage and our mental programs of fear and phobias.
These inner forces are very strong emotional and mental habits which thwarts us from opening ourselves to the essential changes in our life. To conquer these challenges in our growth, we need to take step to alter our negative subconscious programs. Let me give you a good case in point: many among us fear to speak in front of a crowd. I used to be that way. There was this friend of mine who is very eloquent by nature, yet whenever he is asked to speak in front of a crowd, she would start stammering and shaking. I asked her why she is always naively tongue-tied every time she is asked to speak in front of an anonymous crowd. Her answer is that she always hears an inner voice that says she will be embarrassed if she makes mistake. The prospect of embarrassment is holding her back from making progress in her rhetorical skill.
This inner program, which was perhaps instilled into her subconscious mind, early on in her life, has been so strong and capable of stopping her from harnessing her eloquent skill. It is so powerful enough that she is hampered from achieving something significant using her God-given talent for public speaking. she could overcome this hurdle by developing a strong desire to debunk the old program in her subconscious mind and replacing it with a confident and self-assured belief in her very own self.
We can become mindful of these undesirable mental programs by listening to our self-talk. You may be pondering what self-talk is. It is not the kind of talk psychotic people do—talking to their very own selves. Self-talk is the process of talking to oneself when one is alone. This talk may not be expressed loudly. It is an inner conversation between our subconscious mind and the conscious mind. In the case of the above-mentioned example, the lady has the natural flair for public speaking. Yet, there is an inner voice that tells her that she is not a good speaker. Though her conscious mind recognizes that she got the talent for public speaking, her subconscious mind argues with her conscious mind that she is not a good speaker. So every time she is about to mount on the platform and give a speech, she would get involved in a self-talk in which her subconscious mind would argue that she is truly not a good speaker. This undesirable subconscious program may be so debilitating that many among us will time and again shy away from success because of the instigation of these deleterious programs.
So to set straight these negative programs and lay the ground for change, we need to prepare our inner self by being mindful of these negative inner programs and slowly changing these negative programs with the opposite positive programs. Consciousness of these negative programs can produce an inner desire for change, and the formation of this inner desire for change can be the needed push that can poke a person towards change

WHAT EVENT(S) LED TO YOUR DISCOVERY???

After my NYSC service. I combed Ado-Ekiti, Abuja and Lagos in search of good graduate trainee job but got nothing. I was called for job interviews but was never called back to resume. So, at that point I gave upon job search. I just kept studying and I’ve never stopped. That was in 2013. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. I was doing the right things but I didn’t know what I was doing. I wasn’t pleased with the fact I had to spend the little money I had on transportation just to attend interviews and at the end I will not be accepted. I wanted to know why. According to my understanding, what was happening to me shouldn’t have happened. I had gone to school; infact I am a graduate of Mass Communication from a reputable university but I had no work experience. I realized that I needed to fix a lot of loopholes and gaps in other to fit in. That was what led me to where I am today. I started studying the laws of the universe and paradigms. If you could give advice to those who are still searching for their purpose in life, what would it be? I would tell them to do what I did. I’ve always had a coach or a mentor and it was always a person who had accomplished what I wanted to accomplish. You don’t necessarily need to meet the person directly, you can read their books, blogs and even follow them on social media. I still remember vividly one evening I was clouded by my thoughts, asking rhetorical questions like “What’s the real secret behind everything?” I didn’t realize my husband was watching me. He just looked at me and said, “You should find out what you love to do and then dedicate your life to it. This was in the year 2019. The problem with most people is they never figured that out.” I got really excited because I knew what I wanted to do; I have always loved expressing myself via writing, why not convert my passion into profit? I made up my mind that’s what I would do. I ultimately ended up as a freelance content creator that I am today, I also have an online store MNAC World where we sell everything fashion. Then I got the benefit of working with reputable individuals and companies too as a freelance writer. Here is a link to some of our publications on amazon. I’ve always had incredible coaches. And I always did exactly what they told me whether I agreed with it or not. I would do it until I discover they are mendacious or it wouldn’t work, but they never lied and it always worked. I realized that our paradigms are what confuses us sometimes. Our paradigms control our judgement; they colour our belief. If you’re getting advice from someone who has demonstrated, by results, that they’ve done what you want to do, even though the advice may seem illogical to you, you’ll probably get to where you want to go. It is very imperative for people to study a little bit every day. It should become a habit, like bathing. Eating and brushing your teeth. Study the mind, the laws of the universe and paradigms. There’s enough information on those subjects to keep a person studying forever. I’ve been doing that and I’ll continue to do it. The rewards have been nothing short of amazing.

MY BELOVETH MOTHER

SHE CALLED ME ABEEBEM; HER NAME WAS EGO ARMY- MY BELOVETH MOTHER Childhood is a time of happy innocence, with so much activity, warmth from your family, and fun and curiosity at all you're learning and experiencing. Yes, my childhood included many of these things: an adoring family, fun activities, sports, arts, crafts, vacations, church, school, friends, birthday parties, mother-daughter gist even though I was barely 9years old. But when my mum died, my world was crushed. It no longer mattered to me how good my life had been. My experience taught me God did not love me. The loss I felt screamed in my ear that God was not good. And the pain I felt in my heart told me things would never, ever be good again. I tried as much as I could to reconcile a good and loving God with the death of my mum. Deep down I wanted to trust and believe that God was loving and all this was just a farce to test my faith. That my mum was somewhere on earth or in heaven, and not buried in the ground. I wanted to believe more than anything, its 23years now and no sign of my mum. Just like yesterday. Within me i resolved that no one would see me cry. If everything else shattered around me, I would remain stable. But I couldnt. My anger was so overwhelming; I could not manage it. I was furious at everyone. God. Why didnt He stop this from happening? My family. Why wasnt I informed about what was happening? My friends. Why do they all have complete families when mine was no more? Didnt they know how lucky they were to still have a mum? Myself. I should have done something to help. I began doing the things my mum used to do like making sure my kid brother was okay. That he had eaten dinner, done his homework. I did laundry. I cleaned. I did all I could to be calm amidst the chaos churning all around me, and within my own soul. I grew more and more bitter. Hmmm! What nine-year-old has to endure these things? Why is my life so different from those around me? Why did this have to happen to me? Will it ever be well? Will I live the rest of my life like this? Will I ever feel happiness again? After my mums death, I concluded that either God wasnt real or He doesnt love me. Since I prayed for my mum to live, and she died. Months turned to decades as I sat in this place of anger, pain, and heart break. And then something unforeseen happened. Being comforted of Gods love, His mercy, His goodness it changed my life. His Gracious provision, His bringing back what I lost, His mending my broken heart, these are all evidences that He is who He says He is Ekwueme. That He can do what He has promised. Hes so much greater than our thoughts. Hes so much deeper than our mouths can say. He loves in such a way that no other love can come close. He blesses even more than we can ask. Hes a restorer of the broken. youre still so young and you experienced a great loss with so much life ahead of you. You often wonder how you can make it through the rest of your life without the parent who is no longer here. On the outside, you are calm. You keep a smile and hold your head up high. You meet new people and want to tell them your story, maybe they will understand. Every day is a good day until a memory strikes you like it did to me today. You could be having a normal day until something triggers your memory. It could be a song. It could be a picture. It could be a moment. You close your eyes, take a deep breath, and remember the memory. Because that is all you have now, memories. Sometimes, tears roll down your face. And then those tiny tears can turn into a few minutes of sobbing. You wonder if it will ever get easier. Because you heard that it does get easier. It wont be so sad. It wont be so bad. It gets better. Someday People have told you that the memories wont always make you feel so sad. One day, it will make you smile instead of cry. Thus far, you still experience the heartbreak and the daily reminder that your parent is no longer here on Earth. And it just hits you gbam! it could be you may want to share some wonderful news like youre pregnant, you bought a house or you just put to bed. But you cant. You feel sadness because they arent here to see it, talk about it and to live it with you. This pained me even more NO ONE walk across the graduation stage with me or to hold their grandbabies. You try as much as you can to live your best life, because people keep telling you that is what they would want. but this is so hard. When youre young and lose a parent, its a loss like no other. Its not like losing a grandparent that lived a long and beautiful life. Its an unfair loss. Its a loss that leaves you doubting life, doubting things that you could have, should have, should have done. I could have helped. You now, unfortunately, are a member of an unspoken club. No one to pour out your heart to except God Almighty. It never gets easier. It may be one year; it may be ten years; it can be twenty years. Its still hard. It is perfectly alright, to just cry. You can still grieve; it doesnt have to be a fresh loss; you can grieve for as long as you want. That leaves me with one last thought, you out there who loss a parent at very tender age, Its been almost twenty-three years for me and I am still grieving. Im not crying every day, but I am still grieving in my own way. And thats okay. It doesnt make me weak. It makes me human I hope you find something that repairs that broken piece. So Im closing this letter with an advice, love your parents and take care of them while you can. For you will know their value when you see their empty chair. They are irreplaceable.

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