STOP CRUSHING RATHER
BUILD YOUR CHILD'S PERSONALITY
Welcome to my blog. I think this is the first time am saying ‘welcome’ lol. Yeah! I know. Thanks to my amazing daughter —Michelle for inspiring this write-up. So, Michelle said to me “mummy, I need to finish up my home work fast so I can prepare my speech for Friday talk in my school.” What? I was shocked to my bone marrow. A 5-year-old? Prepare a speech all by herself with so much confidence? Saying I was flabbergasted is an understatement. I pushed further to find out the details of this “talk”. She made me understand every Friday each pupil is called up to teach/explain a particular topic that has been taught that week to everyone. Bravo! This exercise will help build the kids personality both now and in future.
This took me back memory lane, I decided to whittle a topic from this. Growing up as a child I was told I had a “shovel teeth” this immediately exterminated my self-confidence. To the extent I could not laugh out loud like I am now. When I reported this to my parents then, they laughed and never took me serious unknowing to them this was affecting me socially and even academically.
Parenting is no easy job. And the most significant — yet tough part of parenting is learning to talk to your child. Children take everything literally and the way you talk to them goes a long way in building their personality.
As a parent, nonetheless, while in the middle of juggling tasks, you might end up reacting to your child, at times even speaking out unpremeditated words.
Unfortunately, a child’s mind is not developed enough to understand that these were unintentional and as a result, it cripples their little minds.
And from all the experiences, one thing is sure — the only way we can avoid this from happening is, by carefully watching what we speak to and in front of our children.
Refrain from saying to your child.
1. Avoid negative words
Never feed your child with negative thoughts, it kills his/her self-esteem. Kids are innocent and believe in goodness. Always tell them to be good, happy, and positive.
Explain to them that some words or actions are bad and might hurt or harm somebody. But don’t tell them that it makes them a bad boy/girl. Teach them what is right and wrong, and to value good things over bad.
2. Stop comparing
Never compare your children with someone else or with their siblings. It makes them jealous. They will feel left out. It drives the feeling of failure in your kids and develops dislike between siblings.
3. A straight ‘NO’
A straight ‘no’ is rather too strict for your little prince/princess.
If kids hear ‘no’ all the time, they lose confidence and faith in their parents. If you don’t agree of your child’s action, try giving options.
For example, instead of saying “No noise,” try “reduce your noise, please.”
4. NEVER discourage your child
Imagine me tell my daughter you are still too small to deliver a speech… this will automatically reduce her self-confidence. Never shake your child’s self-confidence.
There will be times when children would want to do something that you know they won’t be able to do. Just remember to give them a chance as long as it doesn’t harm them.
When my son thinks he can wash the dishes, instead of ‘you can’t do it,’ I tell him, ‘try if you can do it or I will help you,’. The best alternative, however, is ‘Let’s do it together!’
Kids learn through trial and error. On the other hand, if you’ve made them afraid to try. they’ll never try anything new.
5. ‘Don’t talk to me’
Never ban the channel of communication between you and your child.
Never ask children to stop talking or arguing. Let them question and share their opinion freely. Rather talk to them if you want them to stick to your advice.
Tell them what they are supposed to do and why it’s important.
Convince them with your words, tone, and expressions. Yes, keep talking and listening till they buy your point.
When my child doesn’t buy my point, instead of asking him not to argue, I make a sad face and say ‘Okay, do whatever you like, but I am upset.’
This may start the conversation again and you have a chance to bargain or win the argument. Try arriving on a win-win situation.
6. ‘Girls/Boys don’t do that’
A child is a child, so let him/her be. Don’t create gender-biased rules. Don’t stop them from exploring things they may be curious about or good at.
When my son was two years old, I bought him a kitchen set. Who said boys shouldn’t cook?
7. ‘Leave me alone!’
You are everything to your kid. Never say you will leave him/her alone, or demand to be left alone.
Never say things that will hurt children to an extent that they feel they aren’t loved or wanted.
It’s a big no-no even if you feel like pulling out your hair, or just want to be alone.
Talk of kids teaching us patience? Yeah!
8. ‘No one wants a kid like you’
A ‘problem child’ doesn’t exist by its own, right? We are the ones to blame if kids become problematic. They are a reflection of the parents.
As a parent, it’s our responsibility to make them happy, secure, and confident to face the world
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